Good Neighbors

July 19th – For some reason, Mrs. Betty Garman – owner/landlord of 342-344 West King Street – was complaining to our landlord Mr. Kratzert about us. Apparently, she contended that our behavior at 340 made it difficult for her to rent 342-344. Always trying to be helpful I sent the following memo to our neighbors on West King Street:

To: Our Neighbors on West King Street
From: Ted, Phil, and Randy at 340 West King Street
Subject: Noise

It has come to our attention recently that our stereo may be a little loud and, therefore, causing a disturbance. In order to aid us in finding an acceptable level of sound; please call us at 397-2228 whenever the noise level is such that it disturbs you.



July 20th – I penned a quick note - with the July 19th memo attached - to Ms. Garman saying: Allow me to apologize if our behavior at 340 West King Street has caused you to lose any prospective tenants at 342. We had no idea we were detrimental to your purposes but then maybe we are all a little blind in self-inspection. Hopefully, the attached memo (distributed yesterday) will aid in our becoming better neighbors. If you have any further problems, we would like to hear about them. Frankly, since February, we have received only two complaints from neighbors and I guess we took the lack of complaints as a license to play our stereo at high volumes. Sincerely, Ted P. Knorr



July 22nd – Mr. Kratzert entered into the extremely tense diplomatic negotiations with his own letter to the terrible trio (i.e. me, Phil & Randy) that read as follows:

Mrs. Garman claims that she is unable to rent her apartments because of the excessive noise music and noise levels coming from 340 West King Street, namely this occurs at nighttime and over the weekend. I understand also that within the last week there was some sort of fight or brawl in which the back part of the fence was broken down, I would like to have this repaired by you people or either forward me a check for $100 so that I can make arrangements to have it repaired. Ted indicated that he will be sending a note to all the neighbors indicating that if the sound gets out of control for any reason, they are to call his number and report it and they will make some changes. I would appreciate it if you people would make every effort to conform to the normal standards of a neighbor in that you are not interfering with the rights of other people in the neighborhood. I am sure that you all are aware that there is a noise ordinance in the city as well as the possibility of being prosecuted under simple disturbance of the peace. I certainly hope it does not come to this point and that you people will make a serious effort to live within generally accepted standards.

Very truly yours,
George H. Kratzert



July 24th – I sent George the monthly rent with the following note: Dear George: Enclosed please find a check for $250 covering August rent. We, at 340, just made it through a peaceful and quiet week … and we survived. Frankly, I don’t think we’ve been too loud in the past anyway but maybe we have a few noise sensitive neighbors. If so, then our memo (see enclosed memo) should aid in pleasing them because we always have been responsive to the wishes of the minority. Our philosophy at 340 can be summed up in three words, we believe in the “unilateral, singular, veto” where the rights of one supersede the rights of the majority. Clearly we believe, and feel a majority of the neighborhood does, that our noise level has not been offensive; however, we stand ready to attempt to please any neighbor as best we can. Hopefully, you, Mrs. Garman, or I will hear no more complaints about noise.

As for the fence, I know nothing about it. However, given proper materials we could fix it. In fact, we look forward to it being repaired. The yard is always kept clean from debris. The vegetation will be kept at a decent length by our neighbor (your other tenant) John LeMarre.

I hope I have addressed all issues raised.

Sincerely,
Theodore P. Knorr

P.S. How much do you want for 338-340?



July 25th – to prevent Mrs. Garman from any future French Conniptions the following form letter was created for us to give to particularly loud 340 guests. To the best of my knowledge only one person ever received such citation and he offered to turn in this 340 Club card. As for life on West King Street; it continued unabated as always. Our neighbors loved us.

Dear (fill in the blank)

Your conduct at the 340 Club, (fill in date), was unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Your actions have resulted in our suspending you for a period of (fill in length of suspension) effective (fill in date).

In the future, please remember to treat the 340 Club as you would have us treat your home and you would not (fill in description of unacceptable conduct) in your home.

Please do not make us repeat such action.

Sincerely,