The 340 Club Bear

(This picture, taken today, is of the 340 Club Bear demonstrating his technique for landing on his back.)








In 1982, a horde of returnees from three days of celebrating the annual rebirth of the earth descended on the 340 Club on a McMorial Day afternoon and they were joined hy the usual gang of idiots that were somehow drawn to the Club. At 4:00 silence, nobody home but me sleeping of the drunk in my 3rd floor penthouse when all of a sudden there were scores of folks in the house screaming "THREE FORTY!" or "TACO!" at the top of their lungs in increasingly maniacal tones. Then the Juke Box would kick in with the Gilt putting 20 or so quarters into it – They’re Coming to Take Me Away, hah hah hee hee or the Eve of Destruction (it was that) or In 1814 We Took a Little Trip. Madness reigned. I distinctly remember Flounder, a visitor from Faber College, standing across the street rubbing his hands together saying “Boy, is this great!”

It was no wonder then that the bear stirred. I know I shoulda stopped him but I was in no condition to do so or to resist the moment. When the large stuffed bear shook me I had no choice but to get up and see what it wanted. It was a 4’ or 4’6” golden stuffed teddy bear with a shit eatin’ grin on its face and mischief in its eyes. It wanted to party. The bear was born in Millersville circa 1973 so it was a good ten years old and shoulda known better but perhaps it never received proper parenting because before the sun went down the bear found itself outside on the ledge of the third floor of the 340. Posturing itself out there until it was noticed by neighbors and stragglers coming to the 340. Soon word spread inside the house and individuals – heavily inebriated by the sum of the weekend’s treats - were now pouring out of the 340 and peering upwards towards the bear. I will leave the rest of the story, I hope, to be told by the bear himself as interviewed by Daniel, a stuffed tiger puppet. Currently, Da Bear is now 34 years old (which is 34 years in human years) and Daniel is 52 years old:






(Daniel interviewing the Bear)









DANIEL: How are you doing today? I assume you are much excited as we enter 2008 with a 340 Club reunion upcomimg.

DA BEAR: Oh yes it was my idea. Mine and the 340 Keg Man.

DANIEL: Hmmmm … if you say so. Well, you know what I want to talk about. That jump you did back in Lancaster. When was that?

DA BEAR: Oh that … I believe it was on McMorial Day, perhaps in ’82 or ’83. I was just a young cub.

DANIEL: For those who do not know, could you describe what went on that day?

DA BEAR: Well, for one thing I was left alone all weekend like a latchkey kid. No one appeared to be concerned whether I lived or died. Tee comes home on Monday, McMorial Day, and immediately goes to sleep – in the middle of the day for cryin’ out loud – leaving me in the annex in the middle of that mess. As you know Daniel since you were often at the bottom of a pile also; that annex could – even in the context of the 340 Club – be construed as a real mess.

DANIEL: You got that right; our owner was a slob

DA BEAR: Was? … but I digress …. Well all of sudden the quiet was broken by the slamming of the door and soon there was a “340” going on downstairs and still Tee slept. I went into his room and jumped on him several times but he hardly stirred. I was getting in one of those moods and I didn’t know what to do.

DANIEL: So you just had to go out the window? Seems reasonable.

DA BEAR: Yeah, it was all I could think of … next thing you know those neighbors across the street saw me … you know the ones that called the Mayor the time Tee was streaking on West King? … and they were pointing up at me … then the Club emptied and everyone was out on the sidewalks on both sides of the street and I think Tee woke up about then.

DANIEL: So then you jumped?

DA BEAR: No … actually I was going to crawl back into the bedroom when everyone – led by that Giltner boy – began to jump & shout screaming “Jump, Jump, Jump, Jump.”

DANIEL: So then you jumped?

DA BEAR: Yeah … I suppose … I actually did not jump but rather just sort of rolled into a somersault … two rotations before landing perfectly on my amply padded back on the sidewalk. I received a very nice round of applause for my effort and we all went back into the 340 and continued partying. It was really no big deal but people still ask me about it.

DANIEL: Well thanks 340 Club Bear for sharing your story and I look forward to seeing you at the Knights of Columbus on June 7th.

DA BEAR: You’re welcome Daniel. I would not miss this one for the world and I’m very glad the Knights is only a two story structure.