Good Neighbors

July 19th – For some reason, Mrs. Betty Garman – owner/landlord of 342-344 West King Street – was complaining to our landlord Mr. Kratzert about us. Apparently, she contended that our behavior at 340 made it difficult for her to rent 342-344. Always trying to be helpful I sent the following memo to our neighbors on West King Street:

To: Our Neighbors on West King Street
From: Ted, Phil, and Randy at 340 West King Street
Subject: Noise

It has come to our attention recently that our stereo may be a little loud and, therefore, causing a disturbance. In order to aid us in finding an acceptable level of sound; please call us at 397-2228 whenever the noise level is such that it disturbs you.



July 20th – I penned a quick note - with the July 19th memo attached - to Ms. Garman saying: Allow me to apologize if our behavior at 340 West King Street has caused you to lose any prospective tenants at 342. We had no idea we were detrimental to your purposes but then maybe we are all a little blind in self-inspection. Hopefully, the attached memo (distributed yesterday) will aid in our becoming better neighbors. If you have any further problems, we would like to hear about them. Frankly, since February, we have received only two complaints from neighbors and I guess we took the lack of complaints as a license to play our stereo at high volumes. Sincerely, Ted P. Knorr



July 22nd – Mr. Kratzert entered into the extremely tense diplomatic negotiations with his own letter to the terrible trio (i.e. me, Phil & Randy) that read as follows:

Mrs. Garman claims that she is unable to rent her apartments because of the excessive noise music and noise levels coming from 340 West King Street, namely this occurs at nighttime and over the weekend. I understand also that within the last week there was some sort of fight or brawl in which the back part of the fence was broken down, I would like to have this repaired by you people or either forward me a check for $100 so that I can make arrangements to have it repaired. Ted indicated that he will be sending a note to all the neighbors indicating that if the sound gets out of control for any reason, they are to call his number and report it and they will make some changes. I would appreciate it if you people would make every effort to conform to the normal standards of a neighbor in that you are not interfering with the rights of other people in the neighborhood. I am sure that you all are aware that there is a noise ordinance in the city as well as the possibility of being prosecuted under simple disturbance of the peace. I certainly hope it does not come to this point and that you people will make a serious effort to live within generally accepted standards.

Very truly yours,
George H. Kratzert



July 24th – I sent George the monthly rent with the following note: Dear George: Enclosed please find a check for $250 covering August rent. We, at 340, just made it through a peaceful and quiet week … and we survived. Frankly, I don’t think we’ve been too loud in the past anyway but maybe we have a few noise sensitive neighbors. If so, then our memo (see enclosed memo) should aid in pleasing them because we always have been responsive to the wishes of the minority. Our philosophy at 340 can be summed up in three words, we believe in the “unilateral, singular, veto” where the rights of one supersede the rights of the majority. Clearly we believe, and feel a majority of the neighborhood does, that our noise level has not been offensive; however, we stand ready to attempt to please any neighbor as best we can. Hopefully, you, Mrs. Garman, or I will hear no more complaints about noise.

As for the fence, I know nothing about it. However, given proper materials we could fix it. In fact, we look forward to it being repaired. The yard is always kept clean from debris. The vegetation will be kept at a decent length by our neighbor (your other tenant) John LeMarre.

I hope I have addressed all issues raised.

Sincerely,
Theodore P. Knorr

P.S. How much do you want for 338-340?



July 25th – to prevent Mrs. Garman from any future French Conniptions the following form letter was created for us to give to particularly loud 340 guests. To the best of my knowledge only one person ever received such citation and he offered to turn in this 340 Club card. As for life on West King Street; it continued unabated as always. Our neighbors loved us.

Dear (fill in the blank)

Your conduct at the 340 Club, (fill in date), was unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Your actions have resulted in our suspending you for a period of (fill in length of suspension) effective (fill in date).

In the future, please remember to treat the 340 Club as you would have us treat your home and you would not (fill in description of unacceptable conduct) in your home.

Please do not make us repeat such action.

Sincerely,

Jumpin' Jack Flash

Taking a momentary break from the juke --- although this 45 was on it --- here, from Martin Scorsese's instant classic "Shine A Light" is Jumpin' Jack Flash

Music Makers Poll

Sometime in June, the Intelligencer Journal assigned their ace investigative reporter, David Sturm, to conduct the “Music Makers Poll” which was an ambitious survey seeking to determine Lancaster Countians opinion’s on the world’s best band, best album, best radio station, the County’s best band, and – alas – the county’s best night club. The paper promised the poll would be used, among other things, to point the paper in the right trendy direction. The results were to be published in early summer.

Sure enough as we went to work on Thursday morning, right before a big holiday weekend at the 340 Club, the results appeared on the papers prominent back page. Here are some of the results:

World’s Best Band: Rolling Stones (Jagger at 38 reigned supreme; today at 65 he is still tops among the boomers) with 15 votes; The Who 8; Beatles 6; The Clash 5; Abba, Bruce Springsteen, Led Zeppelin all scored 4; AC/DC, Fleetwood Mac, and Yes weighed in with 3 while Pink Floyd had two votes. The following bands all got a vote: Genesis, Foreigner, Allman Brothers, Doobie Brothers, Lynrd Skynrd, XTC, The Cars, Utopia, Kansas, Ian Drury and the Blockheads, Tangerine Dream, Queen, Scorpions, Styx, Steely Dan, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, and – last but certainly not least – Randall Stoltzfus.

America’s Best Band: Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band, 15; Styx, 10; The Eagles, REO Speedwagon, 5; The Doors, 4; The Grateful Dead, Talking Heads, 3: .38 Special, Neil Young, Todd Rundgren/Utopia, Boston and Steely Dan, 2; Supertramp, AC/DC (?), Fleetwood Mac, Blondie, George Thorogood and the Destroyers, J. Geils Band, Jefferson Starship, Beach Boys, Alice Cooper, Hall & Oates, Cars, NRBQ, Devo, Chicago, Aerosmith, Heart, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, Truth, Van Halen, Foreigner (?), Marshall Tucker Band, Pretenders, Ramones, Blue Oyster Cult, the Sharks and Randy Stoltzfus.

Britain’s Best Band: The Clash, 18; Rolling Stones, The Who, 17; Queen, 4; Beatles, Yes, 3;
The Kinks, Wings, Pink Floyd, Moody Blues, Led Zeppelin, 2; Genesis, Gang of Four, Elvis Costello, Police, XTC, Rumour, Fleetwood Mac, Hawkwind, Supertramp, Bad Company, Jethro Tull and Randall Stoltzfus.

Lancaster County’s Best Band: The Sharks, 25; West Philly Speedboys, 7; Susquehanna River Band, 6; Hunter, 5; Blame, 4; Justus, Randall Stoltzfus, 2

The above four questions make me wonder aloud - Who is Randall Stoltzfus? Lastly, there was a question on what was Lancaster County’s best night club? Old Colony, 9; The Village, 8; David K’s, 6; Pequea Inn, 5; 340 Club, 4; Tom Paine’s Back Room, The Treadway, The Library, 2; Your Place, Scruples, John’s Bar, Rasputin’s, Maxwell’s, Indian Springs, and the Young Republican’s, 1.

Other questions sought the most exciting performer: The Boss whipped Mick, 23 to 5 with Sam Lugar and Randall Stoltzfus getting one vote each. Randall Stoltzfus got one vote in the dance band category. The curious Mr. Stoltzfus got one vote for sexiest performer.

So, there it was the 340 Club’s bonafides were now firmly established for 1981 by the vote of the people. By the way, Randall Stoltzfus, who got at least one vote in seven different categories, turned out to be the 340 Club’s very own Randy Brown.

From the Poet Laureate

Passing through the deepest sleep and waking with a start
Thinking but not breathing as you find you've stopped you're heart
Slowly the feeling of dizziness escapes your bodies ties
You find your somewhere when your not and then begin to rise

Christopher E. Joyce

Rolling Stones Martin Scorsese Shine A Light/The Soundtrack CD

Available today … buy the deluxe version … cost me $21.19, tax included. The album is the soundtrack for the pending Martin Scorsese docu-concert that debuts nationwide this Friday (I’ll see it Saturday). The flic chronicles a couple of Stones shows on their A Bigger Bang Tour (06-07). When you pop the CD in here is what you hear:

Same ol’ same ol’ but what kind of same ol’ same ol’; gimmee it over agin and agin … JUMPIN’ JACK FLASH is the opener and how many different ways can you present it … as you listen you’ll notice it is slick; it is highly produced, unlike any live album I ever heard … you wouldn’t expect less from the new Glimmer Twins – Scorsese & Jagger … actually production credits go to the old Glimmer Twins – Keith & Mick; with Co-Production (i.e. the heavy lifting) to Bob Clearmountain.

Listening to JJF and perusing the songlist one realizes that the biggies – Sympathy, Start Me Up, Brown Sugar, and Satisfaction - will sound all too familiar … however such expectations only whet the appetite for the many nuggets that the songlist contains and it doesn’t take long as Keith (or Ronnie how would I know) hits the opening chords of SHATTERED … followed by SHE WAS HOT (captured live for the first time I think) … then the oft Theotis Christ covered ALL DOWN THE LINE … like Bitch; this is a perfect showcase for the sax man Bobby Keys … next Mick reaches into the modern alternative rock crop and pulls Detroit guitarist Jack White III to duet with him on LOVING CUP … deftly moving into the melancholy AS TEARS GO BY and then the four guitar (inc. Mick, at least when I’ve seen them perform it) SOME GIRLS (sadly politically corrected best I can tell/hear) … Mick keeps the breastplate for the next song, a classic Motown cover, JUST MY IMAGINATION … FARAWAY EYES …. A Muddy Waters cum Buddy Guy blues tune called CHAMPAGNE & REEFER … Guy plays his mean Chicago blues guitar and sings …when inducted into the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame, Guy gave the following acceptance speech: “If you don’t think you have the blues, just keep living.” … the Stones wrap up the halfway point with TUMBLING DICE … and then Mick introduces the band beginning with his longstanding backup singer – over twenty years now! – the leggy Lisa Fischer … culminating with his longer standing guitar player – Keef – who does two for the good of the order …YOU’VE GOT THE SILVER and, with a nod to the Winos, CONNECTION… Whew! And that’s jes disk one!!!

Disk Two opens with the satanic masterpiece, perhaps most creative, darkest lyrics > please allow me to introduce myself … SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL … blood curdling, goose bump raising … “Anastasia screamed in VAIN” … Ronnie & Keef dueling … if there is a Stones formula, a hook, it is a driving guitar lick followed by a Phil Spector-like wall of sound and few songs exemplify the sound better than LIVE WITH ME which is a nod to themselves for it appears first on a live album, on the live album of live album’s (perhaps up to this one), called Get Yer Ya Ya’s Out (1969) … this version Mick duets with a resounding (though no Lisa) Christina Aguilera and Bobby Keys is once again left unrestrained … no sooner does the dust settle when another guitar more familiar guitar lick is struck … START ME UP … the old lid lifter which in recent years signals the beginning of the end launching a 30 minute windup of rockers that culminates in Satisfaction or JJF … but always includes BROWN SUGAR (more pure Bobby Keys) … just a quick liner note: Keys has performed with the Stones since their first Amerikan tour over 40 years ago … the finale, of course, is the anthem Jagger did not want to still be singing at thirty (he’ll be 65 in June) … SATISFACTION … unlike the finale of a concert … there is more (at least on the soundtrack; as four of the soundtrack’s songs do not appear in the movie) … after Satisfaction comes: PAINT IT BLACK, LITTLE T & A (a 3rd Keith vehicle!!!, even more horns - Ya Ya), I’M FREE and the title song: SHINE A LIGHT … Scorsese, I don’t believe, has never made a movie without a Stones song and, to hear Jagger describe it, “this is the first movie Mary ever made without Gimmee Shelter in it.” Well, as much as I love Ms. Fischer on that song; I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t miss it on the soundtrack; I look forward to the movie and hope I don’t miss it there also … although, if I do maybe there will be a sequel.

The Third Coming

After six months of negotiations with the current owners and lessors of 338-340 West King Street, I am now pleased to announce that there will be an after party immediately following the end of the reunion on June 7th at the Knights of Columbus. It won’t be cheap as it has already cost me in excess of $2,000 to obtain the necessary rights, permits and permissions but … $100 will gain you entrance into the 340 Club itself before midnight (no admittance after 12) on June 7/8, Tickets will be limited to the first 40 persons and are expected to sell out fast. A beer toast will occur just after midnight offered by the 340 Kegman. The 340 Club Bear will jump from the 3rd floor window at 1:00 a.m. Lancaster City Police will have the 300 block of West King Street closed to vehicular traffic between midnight and 3:00 a.m. I have obtained permission for guests – must show tickets to the attendant – to park in the Christ Lutheran Church lot on the corner. Both Mr. Martin and Mr. Kratzert, landlords, of 328 and 338-340, are expected to attend. I hope to see all of you there; get your tickets now. [Oh, and Coach: don’t bother sending a check … you will be my guest. I gotcha covered)

This Date in 340 Club History

On March 31, 1983, G.H. Kratzert offered us - what turned out to be - the last lease at 338 West King Street. It was signed by Mr. Kratzert, myself and Phil. The term was set for 15 months and included a rider which included an option to purchase by Phil & I under certain specified condiditons.

Trivia: 71-73

There will be some trivia questions posed at the reunion in June. To help you prep for such an event from time to time questions will be posed here in the Blog so you can revive some old memories and rev up your response time. To that end here are a few questions:

71. What was the phone number of the 340 Club, second coming? BONUS: What 340 Club irregular was responsible for procuring the unique cubing combination?
72. What food staple, served best by Bobbie, is no longer sold at The Village Nite Club?
73. What brand and model is the mighty 340 Club juke?

Last Week’s Questions
66. In Somers Point, NJ, there was a bar named "The Anchorage" where we "warmed" up for the Bonnie Parker Band who played just a stone’s throw from there at the Dunes Till Dawn. How many beers did you get for a dollar ($1) at the Anchorage? It was seven draft beers for a dollar. They put them all in front of you at the same time
67. Sil has been called Sil since his high school days but what is his birth name?
William Roger Simpson
68. Sil campaigned to have a museum constructed in Lancaster to honor what legendary comedy trio? The Three Stooges
69. What was the name of our neighbor at 338 during 340 I, who liked to strum his guitar on the back porch? Kevin Walsh
70. What was the nickname of 340 member Scott Myers? Scotty Super Sports Sunday.